READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
