I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
