dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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