awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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