Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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