There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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