The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
