I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
a search helicopter?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
