the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
