it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My bed smells like the plague
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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