You really coming over, don't trick.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
