So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
