she was so not down for the gang bang
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
