i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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