I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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