garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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