You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
