thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't turn off my feet"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
