i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
