I want to make a zoo with you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
