lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
