btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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