My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
