I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
