lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
