I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am naked and annoyed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
