I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
