I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
