My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
