Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
