Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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