I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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