hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
