I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
