I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
