OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
