you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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