did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
