I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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