i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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