Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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