4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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