I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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