I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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