Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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