It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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