Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
two words: eviction party
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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