Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize