it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Randomize
