Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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