I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
