I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
