FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
