I want you more than these girls want KFC
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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