So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
