I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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