This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
