Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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