I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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