She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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