Please, let me fuck your mom
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
