Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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