i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can I color on your dick again?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
