i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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