i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
