last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
