We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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