Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
