I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize