No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
