Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
