I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize