How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
