she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
