No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
50% drunk capacity currently
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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