its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if only i could text you this smell
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
