I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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