lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
