Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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