I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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