I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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