I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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