Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
