I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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