Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
