chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
