I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
