he puts the penis in happiness.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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