You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize