Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
