im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so let's talk penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
